Foster Care Comments and Questions from Loved Ones

So... there have been some comments and situations that have arisen over the last 10 months of Foster care that I just wanted to document...

A very loving, well-meaning family member commented (after I told her we were going to Foster older children):
"Oh man, that's not fair; you won't have to go through the whole baby stage!!"

My response; after 10 months of Fostering includes:
-Yes, but do you know how often they cry?
-Yes, but do you have any idea what it's like retraining the thought process of a child who has been raised by someone else for 11 years?
-This is true, but sometimes I'd rather have the crying over the silent treatment for hours and hours on end.
-Yes; but we are ARE dealing with SEVERE emotional and physical trauma, and I would venture to say it's just as difficult as dealing with a crying baby.
-True, but we are having to dedicate a HUGE chunk of our time & energy pouring in to a child who is three years behind in school and development because of the lack of education she's had in her life

It's hard y'all; No... it is NOT raising a baby. But it's still hard.

One more thing, folks ask us ALL THE TIME "What's the update? Any news?"
Here's the answer, "No good updates. I don't know when she's leaving for sure."

I know everyone means well, and most likely really DO seriously care... but it's like a chunk of my heart dies every time I have to explain a current situation. It's hard to talk about y'all.... God's plan is HIS Plan... and every one of His plans are not revealed to us on purpose. We would live in dread, fear and uncertainty if we worried about what, when who and where.
God called us to this Ministry.... Every child that comes or goes is in HIS Hands, HIS timing... we are just to be the vessels that show them unconditional love, support and a healthy functioning family and home. (Or as close as we can get ;)) 

I ran across an incredibly wonderful explanation of this here: http://fosteringreal.com/blog/2016/09/11/in-limbo/ 

Foster Care Month #9

Well, we've been at the Foster Care journey for almost 10 months now. One child, one placement. We did respite care for a 7 year old boy that was WILD... but other than that it's just been the three of us.
We've struggled, tremendously, but our girl has completed a successful season of Softball where she played Right field, transitioned to middle school, worked with the school for a attainable IEP goal and have endured hours and hours and HOURS of tutoring and counseling. She is now in the middle of Basketball season where she is ROCKING IT, Kevin is coaching the team; and they are having a ball! She's almost completed Confirmation class at church, and rededicated her life to Christ about four months ago in front of our sweet and wonderful church family.

We've cried, we've laughed, we've danced, we've prayed, and we've loved fiercely. 

She is thriving! However, we found out Monday that DHR is going to work on transitioning her home. First will come unsupervised visits, then unsupervised overnight visits, and then back into the home.
We are devastated; especially since we do not think this is in her best interest. She is frightened to return home, and seems to have reverted back to the scared, shy, terrified girl she was when she first came into care and into our home. My heart hurts for her. It hurts for the loss we are going to endure. However, we KNOW that God ordained her placement with us; and she talks daily about how she feels the Holy Spirit with her, and that he is continuously telling her that no matter what, He is going to take care of her. We know that HE is in control, and HE sees the future.... we are confident that whatever happens is in His hands, and that it will be what is best for her in the long run.

Tomorrow, we are to meet with her Guardian ad Litem who has never met her. We just want to make sure he has all the information from DHR, Social workers, Counselors and DHR transporters and visit supervisors that we do; and then pray that whatever decision he decides to pursue; the judge and courts will honestly take into consideration what is best for her in the long run.

Pray for our family as we enter into another new season of life, and as we begin the holiday season; possibly without the girl we've come to love so dearly over the last 10 months.

DHR Woes & Current Status

Hopefully this will be the only time I feel the need to vent about DHR! (Although I highly doubt it!)
So we have had MJ for a little over a month now....I think it was about Week #3 that was the toughest so far. I think reality had set in with her that she might be with us longer than she originally thought. She was homesick. She visited the school nurse and counselor several times that week.... which by the way have been FANTASTIC!! They have been exactly what she needed, exactly WHEN she needed it. That week was one where I seriously questioned whether this was something we really needed to be doing or not. Homework was a struggle, communication was practically non-existent and frustration levels (on both sides) were at an all-time high. I prayed two nights in a row that God would give me some kind of sign that this was the right direction. After a few days, and lots of prayers things started improving. 1/2 way into week 4 it was like we had a whole new child. She was communicating well, seemed to be very happy, and was beginning to talk about her past to us (which was very disturbing!!!)
During week 3 there was a visit with her new social worker. I was extremely displeased! MJ's case has been turned over to a regular foster care worker now; instead of an ongoing case. As I understand it; an ongoing case means they are still working with the family to do everything possible to prevent removal of the child. Since that did not work; she was placed into care with us.
I was not impressed at all with the new worker (the other one I REALLY liked!!) The new worker acts like she cares absolutely nothing about the feelings or needs of this child. The workers argued IN FRONT of MJ about who would pay for counseling. The new worker tried to urge us to ask the school to push for counseling so that they would have to pay for it instead of DHR. I was so disgusted--I said "I don't care WHO pays for it--it needs to start immediately". MJ has been removed from her home for going on 4-months now.... there is NO REASON why it should take this long to begin services. The worker acted like she didn't even know counseling services were paid for by whoever requested them...I was appalled. Then when original worker asked worker #2 if she wanted to speak to MJ she said, "Well, yes I guess I can".... WHAT! It was like pulling teeth to get her to speak to the child!
Last but not least; she asked when would be a good time to schedule the ISP meeting (individualized service plan for permanency) with DHR, the Mother and us along with Maggie. I said if 3:00 or after didn't work I would need to do it about 8:00 am or so.... Worker #2 threw her hands up in the air and said, "Oh no way, that will NOT work for me".... so that was that. Not something like, "But since it works for both families I can come in for it" or "I will try to work around that". It was just, 'Nope--that won't be happening'. Well okay then--I understand where your priorites lie.
Each email we have received from her since has been one or two words or sentences with zero explanations.

Not that we are concerned, because we had prepared... but we never received the vouchers the day she came to us that were promised; we  received the two-week stipend (that was less $ than they told us it would be); and have yet to receive the board payment. Because MJ had practically nothing when she came to us; it's been a good thing we both have good jobs and a wonderful church family... it would have been practically impossible to provide her everything she's needed without any assistance.

On the bright side; MJ has joined the local softball team and is LOVING it. She is a true natural. She is a really good little ball player; especially for never playing or being part of a team before. She has gotten a health check up, updated on her vaccinations, new glasses, and is going to the dentist today...it's been a whirlwind of a month! When she asked us if she could call us Mom & Dad on Friday evening; it made it all worth it. It truly took me a while to attach because I was not having a heart-connection; but its happened now. If and when she has to leave us; I WILL be devastated now! :( Until then I will enjoy and treasure our time together...praying God continues to touch her heart and works through us so that she may really KNOW Him!