So... there have been some comments and situations that have arisen over the last 10 months of Foster care that I just wanted to document...
A very loving, well-meaning family member commented (after I told her we were going to Foster older children):
"Oh man, that's not fair; you won't have to go through the whole baby stage!!"
My response; after 10 months of Fostering includes:
-Yes, but do you know how often they cry?
-Yes, but do you have any idea what it's like retraining the thought process of a child who has been raised by someone else for 11 years?
-This is true, but sometimes I'd rather have the crying over the silent treatment for hours and hours on end.
-Yes; but we are ARE dealing with SEVERE emotional and physical trauma, and I would venture to say it's just as difficult as dealing with a crying baby.
-True, but we are having to dedicate a HUGE chunk of our time & energy pouring in to a child who is three years behind in school and development because of the lack of education she's had in her life
It's hard y'all; No... it is NOT raising a baby. But it's still hard.
One more thing, folks ask us ALL THE TIME "What's the update? Any news?"
Here's the answer, "No good updates. I don't know when she's leaving for sure."
I know everyone means well, and most likely really DO seriously care... but it's like a chunk of my heart dies every time I have to explain a current situation. It's hard to talk about y'all.... God's plan is HIS Plan... and every one of His plans are not revealed to us on purpose. We would live in dread, fear and uncertainty if we worried about what, when who and where.
God called us to this Ministry.... Every child that comes or goes is in HIS Hands, HIS timing... we are just to be the vessels that show them unconditional love, support and a healthy functioning family and home. (Or as close as we can get ;))
I ran across an incredibly wonderful explanation of this here: http://fosteringreal.com/blog/2016/09/11/in-limbo/
![Whichever [& Whenever] One Fits!](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qzQzoKJmvKY/VrpOiIGoQgI/AAAAAAAAATE/QYsiGN9k8wo/s1600-r/whicever%2Bone%2Bfits%2Bcopy2.jpg)
Monday, December 12, 2016
Monday, November 28, 2016
Foster Care Month #9
Well, we've been at the Foster Care journey for almost 10 months now. One child, one placement. We did respite care for a 7 year old boy that was WILD... but other than that it's just been the three of us.
We've struggled, tremendously, but our girl has completed a successful season of Softball where she played Right field, transitioned to middle school, worked with the school for a attainable IEP goal and have endured hours and hours and HOURS of tutoring and counseling. She is now in the middle of Basketball season where she is ROCKING IT, Kevin is coaching the team; and they are having a ball! She's almost completed Confirmation class at church, and rededicated her life to Christ about four months ago in front of our sweet and wonderful church family.
We've cried, we've laughed, we've danced, we've prayed, and we've loved fiercely.
She is thriving! However, we found out Monday that DHR is going to work on transitioning her home. First will come unsupervised visits, then unsupervised overnight visits, and then back into the home.
We are devastated; especially since we do not think this is in her best interest. She is frightened to return home, and seems to have reverted back to the scared, shy, terrified girl she was when she first came into care and into our home. My heart hurts for her. It hurts for the loss we are going to endure. However, we KNOW that God ordained her placement with us; and she talks daily about how she feels the Holy Spirit with her, and that he is continuously telling her that no matter what, He is going to take care of her. We know that HE is in control, and HE sees the future.... we are confident that whatever happens is in His hands, and that it will be what is best for her in the long run.
Tomorrow, we are to meet with her Guardian ad Litem who has never met her. We just want to make sure he has all the information from DHR, Social workers, Counselors and DHR transporters and visit supervisors that we do; and then pray that whatever decision he decides to pursue; the judge and courts will honestly take into consideration what is best for her in the long run.
Pray for our family as we enter into another new season of life, and as we begin the holiday season; possibly without the girl we've come to love so dearly over the last 10 months.
We've struggled, tremendously, but our girl has completed a successful season of Softball where she played Right field, transitioned to middle school, worked with the school for a attainable IEP goal and have endured hours and hours and HOURS of tutoring and counseling. She is now in the middle of Basketball season where she is ROCKING IT, Kevin is coaching the team; and they are having a ball! She's almost completed Confirmation class at church, and rededicated her life to Christ about four months ago in front of our sweet and wonderful church family.
We've cried, we've laughed, we've danced, we've prayed, and we've loved fiercely.
She is thriving! However, we found out Monday that DHR is going to work on transitioning her home. First will come unsupervised visits, then unsupervised overnight visits, and then back into the home.
We are devastated; especially since we do not think this is in her best interest. She is frightened to return home, and seems to have reverted back to the scared, shy, terrified girl she was when she first came into care and into our home. My heart hurts for her. It hurts for the loss we are going to endure. However, we KNOW that God ordained her placement with us; and she talks daily about how she feels the Holy Spirit with her, and that he is continuously telling her that no matter what, He is going to take care of her. We know that HE is in control, and HE sees the future.... we are confident that whatever happens is in His hands, and that it will be what is best for her in the long run.
Tomorrow, we are to meet with her Guardian ad Litem who has never met her. We just want to make sure he has all the information from DHR, Social workers, Counselors and DHR transporters and visit supervisors that we do; and then pray that whatever decision he decides to pursue; the judge and courts will honestly take into consideration what is best for her in the long run.
Pray for our family as we enter into another new season of life, and as we begin the holiday season; possibly without the girl we've come to love so dearly over the last 10 months.
Monday, March 14, 2016
DHR Woes & Current Status
Hopefully this will be the only time I feel the need to vent about DHR! (Although I highly doubt it!)
So we have had MJ for a little over a month now....I think it was about Week #3 that was the toughest so far. I think reality had set in with her that she might be with us longer than she originally thought. She was homesick. She visited the school nurse and counselor several times that week.... which by the way have been FANTASTIC!! They have been exactly what she needed, exactly WHEN she needed it. That week was one where I seriously questioned whether this was something we really needed to be doing or not. Homework was a struggle, communication was practically non-existent and frustration levels (on both sides) were at an all-time high. I prayed two nights in a row that God would give me some kind of sign that this was the right direction. After a few days, and lots of prayers things started improving. 1/2 way into week 4 it was like we had a whole new child. She was communicating well, seemed to be very happy, and was beginning to talk about her past to us (which was very disturbing!!!)
During week 3 there was a visit with her new social worker. I was extremely displeased! MJ's case has been turned over to a regular foster care worker now; instead of an ongoing case. As I understand it; an ongoing case means they are still working with the family to do everything possible to prevent removal of the child. Since that did not work; she was placed into care with us.
I was not impressed at all with the new worker (the other one I REALLY liked!!) The new worker acts like she cares absolutely nothing about the feelings or needs of this child. The workers argued IN FRONT of MJ about who would pay for counseling. The new worker tried to urge us to ask the school to push for counseling so that they would have to pay for it instead of DHR. I was so disgusted--I said "I don't care WHO pays for it--it needs to start immediately". MJ has been removed from her home for going on 4-months now.... there is NO REASON why it should take this long to begin services. The worker acted like she didn't even know counseling services were paid for by whoever requested them...I was appalled. Then when original worker asked worker #2 if she wanted to speak to MJ she said, "Well, yes I guess I can".... WHAT! It was like pulling teeth to get her to speak to the child!
Last but not least; she asked when would be a good time to schedule the ISP meeting (individualized service plan for permanency) with DHR, the Mother and us along with Maggie. I said if 3:00 or after didn't work I would need to do it about 8:00 am or so.... Worker #2 threw her hands up in the air and said, "Oh no way, that will NOT work for me".... so that was that. Not something like, "But since it works for both families I can come in for it" or "I will try to work around that". It was just, 'Nope--that won't be happening'. Well okay then--I understand where your priorites lie.
Each email we have received from her since has been one or two words or sentences with zero explanations.
Not that we are concerned, because we had prepared... but we never received the vouchers the day she came to us that were promised; we received the two-week stipend (that was less $ than they told us it would be); and have yet to receive the board payment. Because MJ had practically nothing when she came to us; it's been a good thing we both have good jobs and a wonderful church family... it would have been practically impossible to provide her everything she's needed without any assistance.
On the bright side; MJ has joined the local softball team and is LOVING it. She is a true natural. She is a really good little ball player; especially for never playing or being part of a team before. She has gotten a health check up, updated on her vaccinations, new glasses, and is going to the dentist today...it's been a whirlwind of a month! When she asked us if she could call us Mom & Dad on Friday evening; it made it all worth it. It truly took me a while to attach because I was not having a heart-connection; but its happened now. If and when she has to leave us; I WILL be devastated now! :( Until then I will enjoy and treasure our time together...praying God continues to touch her heart and works through us so that she may really KNOW Him!
So we have had MJ for a little over a month now....I think it was about Week #3 that was the toughest so far. I think reality had set in with her that she might be with us longer than she originally thought. She was homesick. She visited the school nurse and counselor several times that week.... which by the way have been FANTASTIC!! They have been exactly what she needed, exactly WHEN she needed it. That week was one where I seriously questioned whether this was something we really needed to be doing or not. Homework was a struggle, communication was practically non-existent and frustration levels (on both sides) were at an all-time high. I prayed two nights in a row that God would give me some kind of sign that this was the right direction. After a few days, and lots of prayers things started improving. 1/2 way into week 4 it was like we had a whole new child. She was communicating well, seemed to be very happy, and was beginning to talk about her past to us (which was very disturbing!!!)
During week 3 there was a visit with her new social worker. I was extremely displeased! MJ's case has been turned over to a regular foster care worker now; instead of an ongoing case. As I understand it; an ongoing case means they are still working with the family to do everything possible to prevent removal of the child. Since that did not work; she was placed into care with us.
I was not impressed at all with the new worker (the other one I REALLY liked!!) The new worker acts like she cares absolutely nothing about the feelings or needs of this child. The workers argued IN FRONT of MJ about who would pay for counseling. The new worker tried to urge us to ask the school to push for counseling so that they would have to pay for it instead of DHR. I was so disgusted--I said "I don't care WHO pays for it--it needs to start immediately". MJ has been removed from her home for going on 4-months now.... there is NO REASON why it should take this long to begin services. The worker acted like she didn't even know counseling services were paid for by whoever requested them...I was appalled. Then when original worker asked worker #2 if she wanted to speak to MJ she said, "Well, yes I guess I can".... WHAT! It was like pulling teeth to get her to speak to the child!
Last but not least; she asked when would be a good time to schedule the ISP meeting (individualized service plan for permanency) with DHR, the Mother and us along with Maggie. I said if 3:00 or after didn't work I would need to do it about 8:00 am or so.... Worker #2 threw her hands up in the air and said, "Oh no way, that will NOT work for me".... so that was that. Not something like, "But since it works for both families I can come in for it" or "I will try to work around that". It was just, 'Nope--that won't be happening'. Well okay then--I understand where your priorites lie.
Each email we have received from her since has been one or two words or sentences with zero explanations.
Not that we are concerned, because we had prepared... but we never received the vouchers the day she came to us that were promised; we received the two-week stipend (that was less $ than they told us it would be); and have yet to receive the board payment. Because MJ had practically nothing when she came to us; it's been a good thing we both have good jobs and a wonderful church family... it would have been practically impossible to provide her everything she's needed without any assistance.
On the bright side; MJ has joined the local softball team and is LOVING it. She is a true natural. She is a really good little ball player; especially for never playing or being part of a team before. She has gotten a health check up, updated on her vaccinations, new glasses, and is going to the dentist today...it's been a whirlwind of a month! When she asked us if she could call us Mom & Dad on Friday evening; it made it all worth it. It truly took me a while to attach because I was not having a heart-connection; but its happened now. If and when she has to leave us; I WILL be devastated now! :( Until then I will enjoy and treasure our time together...praying God continues to touch her heart and works through us so that she may really KNOW Him!
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
Foster Care Placement... Week #1
Well; tomorrow will be one week since our first foster care placement. We will call her MJ even though that is not her name ;)
The first day I was a nervous WRECK. My insides churned, I shook like a leaf for about 24 hours. I woke up 10-15 times during the night thinking, "Oh gosh, I'm going to leave for work and forget that I have a child to take to school"
Thursday was new-school enrollment day. SHE was nervous that day. But she did GREAT... was ready to get home and do her homework after school. She is an AMAZINGLY sweet young girl. Very quiet, but smiles ear-to-ear constantly.
I went to work regularly Thursday and my nerves calmed down a little when I realized that not a WHOLE lot had changed. I still had my job to go to that I love, I still had my husband, I still had the Grace & Peace of God which made all the difference in the world... we just happen to be in charge on an 11-year-old princess!!
Thursday's Valentines Day card from Art Club at school looked like this:
Our church family has been OVERWHELMINGLY tremendously fabulous to us. Thursday night we got a visit from the Hallman's; they brought about 2,312 pieces of much-needed clothing and also assisted with Math homework! When I asked MJ about her homework she said, "I'm going to wait for Kevin to get home to help me with math." I said "Good idea! I'm terrible at Math"..... her response, "What subject ARE you good at?" HA! I could not help but laugh!!!! We ate dinner at Mt. Fugi after our visit and homework. She loved it and even tried Sushi; which she also loved. She enjoys school, homework, reading, going to church, eats well, smiles big and is just such a sweet-spirited young lady. God truly blessed us when He placed her into our home.
So--some things I've just got to share that has humbled me (things we take for granted)
*Lasagna (she'd never even heard of it)
*Vacation (never been on one)
*Electronic Tablets
*A pair of name brand shoes & a backpack
*A hand-stitched bookmark from my mother. This one broke the mold.... I thought she was going to cry she loved it so much
*A Bible and Bible cover (never had one)
*A bed to sleep in (had been sleeping on the floor or sharing a bed with 2 other children)
We had a 48-hour visit on Friday afternoon where the DHR worker commended us that we were doing great and she interviewed MJ and she told her she loved it with us. We are pretty fond of her too. Keep us in your prayers as she will have a visit this week with Mom.
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Beginnings of our Foster Care Journey
I have not posted in a VERY long time.... looks like 2011 was the last post! Lots of things have changed in our lives.... well; I say that; no--they really haven't ha! BUT--I don't craft nearly as much; we have simplified our home and "stuff" tremendously so I believe I can successfully say I've moved on from the "Wanna-Be Crafter/Photographer/Organizer" to a new point in life. I will warn you; this is a very honest look into my thoughts and feelings as we have begun this new chapter of my life. Some thoughts and feelings that I am not proud of; but that I know God has worked through.
With that being said.....We have become a certified Foster Home! I wanted to re-direct this blog; mainly just for my own record. I want to keep up with thoughts, experiences, etc. as we go through our process.... and I can type a whole lot quicker than I can write. So; here we go....
I can look back now and see where our journey into the Foster care system began. My husband, Kevin was in college for a degree in Psychology with a focus in Christian Counseling. I can't remember exactly how; but he got into DHR (Department of Human Resources--similar to many state Child Protective Services) to intern and fell.in.love. CRAZY right? Yes... that's what we said then; and what we continue to say confidently now!
Since I was a young-20-something; I've been afraid of having a baby. Like seriously; terrified. I was gripped with fear and anxiety on a daily basis; and just knew that I would never be able to take care of an infant because all I could do was worry. We were married in March of 2008 and as the years went by my feelings and decisions were always contingent on something else happening. I thought; maybe when I get a better job I will feel ready.... well I got a promotion; still didn't want to have a baby. Then I said, "Maybe after I finish my Master's degree I will feel ready.... completed that in 2014; still didn't want to have a baby. I know it's seriously ridiculous; like seriously who does NOT want to have a baby? Well.... me I guess.
My husband has supported me through the process; we have been active with our churches youth group (he is a co-leader and LOVES what he does). I teach a children's class on Wednesday evenings and share in my rounds of children's church. I seriously love kids.... I work with them everyday in my day-job as well.... but a baby of my own just terrifies me.
Whether it be by Satan's hand [originally] when fear gripped me; or by God's miraculous intervention in my thought process and my life overall--we decided to begin GPS classes at our County DHR facility. We toyed with the decision for about 2 years before we finally agreed that "Yes--this is what God wants for us; this is what we need to do". Isn't it amazing how when God has something in store for you He will not.let.it.go? We were involved in a ministry this summer called Epiphany; where we go into a secured lock-up facility for boys ages 12-15. You know how you say "I went to bless others but got so much more of a blessing myself"? Yep--that's what happened. God used this 3-day weekend to show Kevin and I that we COULD love children who were not our own. We wanted to take every single one of them home and raise them to successful adulthood!
So begins the official Foster care process. I would say after approximately Class #3 and 423,329 pieces of paperwork we'd filled out--"the discussion" happened. I told Kevin I really just didn't think that Fostering was for us. Kevin talked me into completing the classes with assurance that "if we finished and still didn't want to continue--there was no obligation to do so" So--7 classes later, 3 home inspection/visits, 192,428 MORE pieces of paperwork later and an additional month of dragging our feet around finishing up requirements we finally became a certified home. Because of the terror of babies; we said we would take 5 year olds or above. I will just tell you--that's EXACTLY what DHR wants to hear; because devastatingly enough; it's very rare that folks want "the older ones". Lots of folks take DHR classes to become certified; really only having the intention of adopting. Which honestly, was our first goal. However, as we continued through classes; we felt the tug of God's hand leading us toward Fostering.
Let's say 'Certified Home Status' came on Monday morning at 9:00 am.... we had been called the Friday before; "two-14 year old boys...once you get certified; would you be willing to take them in?" Again....terror! "No... I don't think that will quite fit our family" All while I was secretly hoping for some reason we may not become "certified"!
Monday morning at 10:15--Are you sure you can't take these two? "No..."
Thursday at 10:00 am--How about four children? They are all siblings & can't be separated. "What!! No way! We don't even have room for TWO right now!!!!!!!!!"--Honestly; still thinking "maybe we will just never get the "right"match.
Next Tuesday at 2:00 pm--Okay--what about a 17-year old homeless boy that the shelter cannot keep? Kevin wanted so badly to say yes... when all I could think about was safety. I.was.scared. This was a very difficult decision for us, I said mean things that I didn't mean; Kevin said mean things; it was not a good night.
Wednesday advice from a Foster friend from class that have received children.... "They will try to push you around because you don't have your own children... you know what's best for your family. Stick your ground." WHEW if that wasn't a calling straight from God; as I had felt hopelessly defeated and selfish for turning down our home.
Thursday--"we have a young girl needing placement. 11 years old." Honestly; the peace that God filled both mine and Kevin's heart with at that moment surpassed all understanding. The night before the call I had told my sweet Mother, "I just feel that if it is supposed to be, and it is the right fit for our family...we will BOTH feel at peace". Well--God worked that one out too! He provided when I didn't think I could possibly ever have peace. They told us the worker needed to wait until Tuesday (TODAY!!!!) because of some doctors appointments and court trials before she could move her to us.
All that to say............... God Willing; we receive Placement #1 today. I am excited; thrilled; scared; terrified; worried; joyful; devastated for her situation; feeling incompetent and incapable but mostly just blessed.
Blessed that God has given us the ability to temporarily care for and love a child who we did not "create". Really; just all-around..... Blessed.
So; here we go.............................................................
With that being said.....We have become a certified Foster Home! I wanted to re-direct this blog; mainly just for my own record. I want to keep up with thoughts, experiences, etc. as we go through our process.... and I can type a whole lot quicker than I can write. So; here we go....
I can look back now and see where our journey into the Foster care system began. My husband, Kevin was in college for a degree in Psychology with a focus in Christian Counseling. I can't remember exactly how; but he got into DHR (Department of Human Resources--similar to many state Child Protective Services) to intern and fell.in.love. CRAZY right? Yes... that's what we said then; and what we continue to say confidently now!
Since I was a young-20-something; I've been afraid of having a baby. Like seriously; terrified. I was gripped with fear and anxiety on a daily basis; and just knew that I would never be able to take care of an infant because all I could do was worry. We were married in March of 2008 and as the years went by my feelings and decisions were always contingent on something else happening. I thought; maybe when I get a better job I will feel ready.... well I got a promotion; still didn't want to have a baby. Then I said, "Maybe after I finish my Master's degree I will feel ready.... completed that in 2014; still didn't want to have a baby. I know it's seriously ridiculous; like seriously who does NOT want to have a baby? Well.... me I guess.
My husband has supported me through the process; we have been active with our churches youth group (he is a co-leader and LOVES what he does). I teach a children's class on Wednesday evenings and share in my rounds of children's church. I seriously love kids.... I work with them everyday in my day-job as well.... but a baby of my own just terrifies me.
Whether it be by Satan's hand [originally] when fear gripped me; or by God's miraculous intervention in my thought process and my life overall--we decided to begin GPS classes at our County DHR facility. We toyed with the decision for about 2 years before we finally agreed that "Yes--this is what God wants for us; this is what we need to do". Isn't it amazing how when God has something in store for you He will not.let.it.go? We were involved in a ministry this summer called Epiphany; where we go into a secured lock-up facility for boys ages 12-15. You know how you say "I went to bless others but got so much more of a blessing myself"? Yep--that's what happened. God used this 3-day weekend to show Kevin and I that we COULD love children who were not our own. We wanted to take every single one of them home and raise them to successful adulthood!
So begins the official Foster care process. I would say after approximately Class #3 and 423,329 pieces of paperwork we'd filled out--"the discussion" happened. I told Kevin I really just didn't think that Fostering was for us. Kevin talked me into completing the classes with assurance that "if we finished and still didn't want to continue--there was no obligation to do so" So--7 classes later, 3 home inspection/visits, 192,428 MORE pieces of paperwork later and an additional month of dragging our feet around finishing up requirements we finally became a certified home. Because of the terror of babies; we said we would take 5 year olds or above. I will just tell you--that's EXACTLY what DHR wants to hear; because devastatingly enough; it's very rare that folks want "the older ones". Lots of folks take DHR classes to become certified; really only having the intention of adopting. Which honestly, was our first goal. However, as we continued through classes; we felt the tug of God's hand leading us toward Fostering.
Let's say 'Certified Home Status' came on Monday morning at 9:00 am.... we had been called the Friday before; "two-14 year old boys...once you get certified; would you be willing to take them in?" Again....terror! "No... I don't think that will quite fit our family" All while I was secretly hoping for some reason we may not become "certified"!
Monday morning at 10:15--Are you sure you can't take these two? "No..."
Thursday at 10:00 am--How about four children? They are all siblings & can't be separated. "What!! No way! We don't even have room for TWO right now!!!!!!!!!"--Honestly; still thinking "maybe we will just never get the "right"match.
Next Tuesday at 2:00 pm--Okay--what about a 17-year old homeless boy that the shelter cannot keep? Kevin wanted so badly to say yes... when all I could think about was safety. I.was.scared. This was a very difficult decision for us, I said mean things that I didn't mean; Kevin said mean things; it was not a good night.
Wednesday advice from a Foster friend from class that have received children.... "They will try to push you around because you don't have your own children... you know what's best for your family. Stick your ground." WHEW if that wasn't a calling straight from God; as I had felt hopelessly defeated and selfish for turning down our home.
Thursday--"we have a young girl needing placement. 11 years old." Honestly; the peace that God filled both mine and Kevin's heart with at that moment surpassed all understanding. The night before the call I had told my sweet Mother, "I just feel that if it is supposed to be, and it is the right fit for our family...we will BOTH feel at peace". Well--God worked that one out too! He provided when I didn't think I could possibly ever have peace. They told us the worker needed to wait until Tuesday (TODAY!!!!) because of some doctors appointments and court trials before she could move her to us.
All that to say............... God Willing; we receive Placement #1 today. I am excited; thrilled; scared; terrified; worried; joyful; devastated for her situation; feeling incompetent and incapable but mostly just blessed.
Blessed that God has given us the ability to temporarily care for and love a child who we did not "create". Really; just all-around..... Blessed.
So; here we go.............................................................
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)